Daddy’s :: Qoutes :: Love, Friendship, Family Quotes and Horoscop

I love my friends, every weekends we do a little barbeque and drink a couple of beers while our wives talk and chitchats whatever they want under the sun..

Anyway, we guys talked about insurance and auto insurance stuff last weekend and I remembered some jokes about it and so, I want to share it here with you guys.

Insurance agents never retire, they just expire.

Insurance agents are premium lovers.

Insurance agents do it with third parties.
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Jim’s barn burned down. Julie, his wife, called the insurance company and said, “We had that barn insured for fifty thousand and I want my money.”

“Whoa there, just a minute, Julie, it doesn’t work like that. We will assess the value of the building and provide you with a new one of comparable worth.” the agent replied.

Julie, after a pause, said, “Well, in that case, I’d like to cancel the policy on my husband.”
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What’s the best thing about turning 65? No more calls from insurance agents.
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A woman was in the hospital after feeling very ill. The doctor says to her, “I have some bad news for you. You only have three months to live.”

“Oh that’s terrible,” the woman sighs, “what am I going do?”

The doctor replies, “Marry an insurance agent.”

“Will I live longer?” asks the woman. ”

“No,” replies the doctor, “but it will SEEM longer.”
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A insurance sales rep, an administration clerk and their manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.

They rub it and a genie comes out in a puff of smoke. The Genie says, “I usually only grant three wishes, so I´ll give each of you just one.”

“Me first! Me first!” says the admin clerk. “I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.” Poof! She´s gone.

In astonishment, “Me next! Me next!” says the sales rep. “I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.” Poof! He´s gone.

“OK, you´re up,” the Genie says to the manager.

The manager says, “I want those two back in the office after lunch.”

Moral of story: always let your boss have the first say.
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Mr. James Barricks, was a rich old man was dying from a rare disease. On his deathbed, he called for his insurance agent, doctor and preacher:

“I trusted each you my entire life. Now I want to give each of you $30,000 cash in an envelope to put in my grave. I want to take it with me.”

Mr. Barricks died and at the funeral, each one placed the envelope on top of the man, then he was laid to rest.

On the way from the funeral, in the limo, the doctor confessed “I must tell you gentlemen, I only put $20,000 on top of Mr. Barricks, I wanted buy this new machine that would enable me to diagnose his rare disease and save others. It’s what he would have wanted.”

Then the preacher said: “I have to confess, I only put $10,000 on top of Mr. Barricks. We needed that money to help more homeless, and it’s what Mr. Barricks would’ve wanted”

The insurance agent was angry at both the man, and said: “I can’t believe both of you, stealing from a dead man. I wrote Mr. Barricks a check for the full $30,000!”
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A drunk wanders into the lounge of a hotel where an insurance convention is being held, intent on causing trouble. He yells, “I think all insurance agents are crooks, and if anyone doesn’t like it, come up and do something about it.”

Immediately, a man runs up to the drunk and says, “You take that back!”

The drunk snears and replies, “Why, are you an agent?”

“No,” the man replies, “I’m a crook.”
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A super genius goes in to see a doctor. “Doc,” the genius says, “I think I’m too smart. I’m having trouble even communicating with people because we have no common frame of reference, and it’s ruining my social life. Can anything be done?”

The doctor runs a series of tests on the genius, and indeed finds that he is too smart. He says, “Currently, your IQ is 250, which is vastly superior to an average man. This is why your having trouble communicating. I do have a cure, however. I have a machine that will drain away some of your intellegence, leaving you with an IQ of 160. You’ll still be a genius, but you should be able to lead a normal life as well.”

The genius immediately agrees to the treatment, so the doctor straps him into the machine.

Just as the doctor turns on the device, he gets a phone call from his ex-wife. They have a heated phone conversation for several minutes before the doctor remembers his patient. He rushes back, and is shocked when he sees the IQ readout at 75.

The doctor says, “Are you all right?”

The former genius just stares blankly.

The doctor shakes him, saying “Say Something.”

The former genius replies, “Can I interest you in a health insurance policy?”

It’s december 25, 2008 here in the PHilippines and I just want to say happy christmas to everyone! May the spirit of the season be a blessings to us all!

ANyway, I just want to share to everyone that Matthew, my first born, now knows the books about Dumbo The Flying Elephant.

I read him the book yesterday while I was trying to put him to his scheduled nap.. he liked the story and fell asleep… when he woke up, I showed him the animated movie equivalent of the movie from Disney… Of course the vidio was from yutube website.

Here are some of selected plagiarism quotes (or plagrism qoutes, I know some of you spelled that incorrectly.. no worries).

The first one if from Benjamin Franklin:
There is much difference between imitating a man and counterfeiting him.
1706-1790, American Scientist, Publisher, Diplomat

And here’s the rest of the qoutes..

One thing that lights up the party is the joke cracker, or the joker of the one that can deliver a fast ball joke and everyone cracks up!

Here’s some collection of jokes, diet jokes or Fenphedra jokes if you will that you can probably use in one of those boring christmas party messages you’re attending now. (or you’re probably just sitting at home watching redtube vidoes)

After my husband asked me to help him shed some unwanted pounds, I stopped serving fattening TV snacks and substituted crisp celery.

While he was unenthusiastically munching on a stalk one night, a commercial caught his attention. As he watched longingly, a woman spread gooey chocolate frosting over a freshly baked cake.

When it was over, my husband turned to me. “Did you ever notice,” he asked, “that they never advertise celery on TV?”
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Q: Why did the dumb man snort Nutri-sweet?
A: He thought it was diet coke.

—

I’m not fat…

… I’m just short for my weight.

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Q: Why did the dumb man snort Nutri-sweet?
A: He thought it was diet coke.