Matt and Sean’s Daddy

I love my friends, every weekends we do a little barbeque and drink a couple of beers while our wives talk and chitchats whatever they want under the sun..

Anyway, we guys talked about insurance and auto insurance stuff last weekend and I remembered some jokes about it and so, I want to share it here with you guys.

Insurance agents never retire, they just expire.

Insurance agents are premium lovers.

Insurance agents do it with third parties.
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Jim’s barn burned down. Julie, his wife, called the insurance company and said, “We had that barn insured for fifty thousand and I want my money.”

“Whoa there, just a minute, Julie, it doesn’t work like that. We will assess the value of the building and provide you with a new one of comparable worth.” the agent replied.

Julie, after a pause, said, “Well, in that case, I’d like to cancel the policy on my husband.”
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What’s the best thing about turning 65? No more calls from insurance agents.
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A woman was in the hospital after feeling very ill. The doctor says to her, “I have some bad news for you. You only have three months to live.”

“Oh that’s terrible,” the woman sighs, “what am I going do?”

The doctor replies, “Marry an insurance agent.”

“Will I live longer?” asks the woman. ”

“No,” replies the doctor, “but it will SEEM longer.”
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A insurance sales rep, an administration clerk and their manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.

They rub it and a genie comes out in a puff of smoke. The Genie says, “I usually only grant three wishes, so I´ll give each of you just one.”

“Me first! Me first!” says the admin clerk. “I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.” Poof! She´s gone.

In astonishment, “Me next! Me next!” says the sales rep. “I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.” Poof! He´s gone.

“OK, you´re up,” the Genie says to the manager.

The manager says, “I want those two back in the office after lunch.”

Moral of story: always let your boss have the first say.
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Mr. James Barricks, was a rich old man was dying from a rare disease. On his deathbed, he called for his insurance agent, doctor and preacher:

“I trusted each you my entire life. Now I want to give each of you $30,000 cash in an envelope to put in my grave. I want to take it with me.”

Mr. Barricks died and at the funeral, each one placed the envelope on top of the man, then he was laid to rest.

On the way from the funeral, in the limo, the doctor confessed “I must tell you gentlemen, I only put $20,000 on top of Mr. Barricks, I wanted buy this new machine that would enable me to diagnose his rare disease and save others. It’s what he would have wanted.”

Then the preacher said: “I have to confess, I only put $10,000 on top of Mr. Barricks. We needed that money to help more homeless, and it’s what Mr. Barricks would’ve wanted”

The insurance agent was angry at both the man, and said: “I can’t believe both of you, stealing from a dead man. I wrote Mr. Barricks a check for the full $30,000!”
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A drunk wanders into the lounge of a hotel where an insurance convention is being held, intent on causing trouble. He yells, “I think all insurance agents are crooks, and if anyone doesn’t like it, come up and do something about it.”

Immediately, a man runs up to the drunk and says, “You take that back!”

The drunk snears and replies, “Why, are you an agent?”

“No,” the man replies, “I’m a crook.”
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A super genius goes in to see a doctor. “Doc,” the genius says, “I think I’m too smart. I’m having trouble even communicating with people because we have no common frame of reference, and it’s ruining my social life. Can anything be done?”

The doctor runs a series of tests on the genius, and indeed finds that he is too smart. He says, “Currently, your IQ is 250, which is vastly superior to an average man. This is why your having trouble communicating. I do have a cure, however. I have a machine that will drain away some of your intellegence, leaving you with an IQ of 160. You’ll still be a genius, but you should be able to lead a normal life as well.”

The genius immediately agrees to the treatment, so the doctor straps him into the machine.

Just as the doctor turns on the device, he gets a phone call from his ex-wife. They have a heated phone conversation for several minutes before the doctor remembers his patient. He rushes back, and is shocked when he sees the IQ readout at 75.

The doctor says, “Are you all right?”

The former genius just stares blankly.

The doctor shakes him, saying “Say Something.”

The former genius replies, “Can I interest you in a health insurance policy?”

This collection of jokes are all about bookshelves and how an ordinary things can be soo funny..

This jokes can also be qouted so you can probably send it as an SMS message of Txt message to your friends.

joke number 1:
I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn’t looking good either.

Why can’t you accept that some days you’re the pigeon, and some days you’re the statue.

You have the sex appeal of a wet paper bag.

You have a one-bit brain with a parity error.

Everyone has a photographic memory, you just don’t have any film.

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joke number 2

Q . Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?

A . . They don’t have balls to scratch!

.. lol

remember you can send these as sms messages.

more to come, visit again soon!

haha! This is the second furniture jokes of the day.. the first one I did post this morning and now after lunch I will share to you another batch of discount furniture.. well, just furniture jokes..

Thanks to the first page of the GOogle SERP for the keyword “furniture Jokes“… you rock! or you furniture! hehehe

ANTIQUE JOKES

REAL CLASSIFIED ADS TAKEN FROM NEWSPAPERS

An ad in the classified section of our local paper offered for sale
a “Chip & Dale mahogany table” — it’s got to be one of a kind!
+++++++++++++++

For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.
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From book of strange and amusing headlines.
“Antique Dealer Thought Schoolgirl Was Older”
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“Antique Stripper to Display Wares at Store”

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“We buy junk and sell antiques.”

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True story, overheard at the Ardingligh Trade Fair, on a very cold day.

“I’m cold, I must be getting old”

“We’re all getting older – the only thing that’s not getting older is the antiques”

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The Antique shopkeeper was dismayed when a newly opened antique business much like his own opened up next door to the left and erected a huge sign which read BEST DEALS ON ANTIQUES.

He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading BEST QUALITY ANTIQUES AT THE LOWEST PRICES.

The shopkeeper was panicked, until he got an idea. He put the biggest sign of all over his own shop-it read…

“MAIN ENTRANCE”.*

I want to share this one joke I found while searching for a modern furniture to buy for our newly purchased (and delived) HDTV…

This joke is not that funny but it’s ok.. You can forward it as an SMS message or a qoutes or quote or something.. either way it’s a way to pass out time.

Co-workers sympathized as a woman as she complained that her back was really sore from moving furniture.

“I could have,” the woman told them.  “But the couch is easier to move if he’s not on it.”