Here’s some collection of jokes, diet jokes or Fenphedra jokes if you will that you can probably use in one of those boring christmas party messages you’re attending now. (or you’re probably just sitting at home watching redtube vidoes)

After my husband asked me to help him shed some unwanted pounds, I stopped serving fattening TV snacks and substituted crisp celery.

While he was unenthusiastically munching on a stalk one night, a commercial caught his attention. As he watched longingly, a woman spread gooey chocolate frosting over a freshly baked cake.

When it was over, my husband turned to me. “Did you ever notice,” he asked, “that they never advertise celery on TV?”
—

Q: Why did the dumb man snort Nutri-sweet?
A: He thought it was diet coke.

—

I’m not fat…

… I’m just short for my weight.

—

Q: Why did the dumb man snort Nutri-sweet?
A: He thought it was diet coke.

Here’s the first one

• Marriage is not a word. It’s a sentence….(a life sentence!).
• Marriage is a 3-ring circus – engagement ring, wedding ring and Suffering.
• A happy marriage is a matter of give and take; the husband gives and the wife takes.
• A woman was telling her friend , “It was I who made my husband a millionaire.”

• “And what was he before you married him?” asked the friend.
  The woman replied, ” A multi-millionaire”.

• There was this woman who had an artist paint a portrait of her covered with the most amazingly beautiful and expensive jewels.
  Her explanation – “If I die and my husband re-marries, I want his next wife to go crazy looking for the jewels.”