Here’s some collection of jokes, diet jokes or Fenphedra jokes if you will that you can probably use in one of those boring christmas party messages you’re attending now. (or you’re probably just sitting at home watching redtube vidoes)

After my husband asked me to help him shed some unwanted pounds, I stopped serving fattening TV snacks and substituted crisp celery.

While he was unenthusiastically munching on a stalk one night, a commercial caught his attention. As he watched longingly, a woman spread gooey chocolate frosting over a freshly baked cake.

When it was over, my husband turned to me. “Did you ever notice,” he asked, “that they never advertise celery on TV?”
—

Q: Why did the dumb man snort Nutri-sweet?
A: He thought it was diet coke.

—

I’m not fat…

… I’m just short for my weight.

—

Q: Why did the dumb man snort Nutri-sweet?
A: He thought it was diet coke.

Never use failure as an excuse for not trying again.
We may not be able to reclaim the loss, undo the damage or reverse the consequences, but we can always make a new start.

Just a thought:
If people talk behind your back, it simply means you are severak steps ahead of them.

Life will never provide warranties and guarantess.
It can only provide possibilites and opportunities.
Its up to us to convert them into success.
Be happy…

Priest: Ang mga baklay’ walang lugar sa kaharian ng LANGIT!
Gays: Carry lang father!! Dun na lang kami sa RAINBOW! Magsaslide slide ever!

Here’s the first batch or set of trivia for you: Medical Trivias

and do you know that bpm is not heart Beat Per Minute ?

• “There is no love without forgiveness, and there is no forgiveness without love.”
• “Love is an act of endless forgiveness, a tender look which becomes a habit.”
• “To forgive is the highest, most beautiful form of love. In return, you will receive untold peace and happiness.”
• “When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free.”
• “The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”

There are tons of it about ‘forgiveness‘ but one thing is for sure, forgiveness begets love. Go ahead boys and girls use these quotes as SMS forwarded message or text messages.

• GOD hAs puT y0u whEre y0u aRe For a rEason and has givEn y0u tHe abiLitiEs neEded to mAke a diffeRence.. Do y0uR besT and LEave a traiL tHat otHers cAn foLLow.

• God Incarnate is the end of fear, and the heart that realizes that He is in one’s midst will be quiet in the middle of alarm. Have a nice day!

• If you find yourself in a difficult spot, realize that GOD means for you to be where you are. HE who has carried you this far isn’t going to drop you now. God bless you! Good Morning!

• PRAYER OF THE DAY:My prayer is but a cold affair, LORD, because my love burns with so small a flame; but YOU who are rich in mercy will not mete out to it YOUR gifts according to the dullness of my zeal. YOUR kindness is above all human love, so let YOUR eagerness to hear be greater than my feelings in my prayer….GOD BLESS!

Here’s the first one

• Marriage is not a word. It’s a sentence….(a life sentence!).
• Marriage is a 3-ring circus – engagement ring, wedding ring and Suffering.
• A happy marriage is a matter of give and take; the husband gives and the wife takes.
• A woman was telling her friend , “It was I who made my husband a millionaire.”

• “And what was he before you married him?” asked the friend.
  The woman replied, ” A multi-millionaire”.

• There was this woman who had an artist paint a portrait of her covered with the most amazingly beautiful and expensive jewels.
  Her explanation – “If I die and my husband re-marries, I want his next wife to go crazy looking for the jewels.”